Editor's Note: This article revolves around the U.S. military's airstrike near the Strait of Hormuz on the morning of June 10th (Beijing time). Dean Blundell, in a strongly satirical tone, criticizes the Trump administration's policy flip-flops on Iran: a U.S. AH-64 "Apache" helicopter crashed near the Strait of Hormuz, with two pilots rescued, and the cause of the incident remains disputed; Trump initially downplayed the incident as "no big deal," but later classified it as Iran "shooting down" a U.S. military helicopter on Truth Social, using this as a reason to strike Iran's coastal air defenses, radars, and ground control facilities.
What the article truly criticizes is not just this military response but the Trump administration's repeated creation of a public relations smokescreen claiming that an "imminent agreement" is about to be reached. While claiming that negotiations are in the "final stage" and an agreement could be signed "in the next two to three days," they escalate military actions and publicly humiliate Iran. The so-called diplomatic negotiations seem more like a political performance serving the news cycle. Meanwhile, the U.S. military's so-called "proportional response" further provokes Iran's retaliatory strikes on U.S. regional bases, the Strait of Hormuz remains unsettled, and oil prices and market pressures persist. The author reminds readers that when "very close" repeatedly replaces actual progress, the most rational response may not be to believe but to take note and assume that reality is likely the opposite.
The following is the original article:
Let's start with the timeline, because the timeline itself is at the heart of the entire hoax.
On Monday night, a U.S. Army AH-64 "Apache" armed helicopter crashed in the Strait of Hormuz off the coast of Oman. Both pilots survived and were unharmed—they were rescued by an unmanned vessel within two hours. It must be acknowledged that it was indeed a pretty cool military equipment and the only part of the whole story that actually worked properly.
But there's a piece that Trump won't write into those all-caps social media posts: a U.S. official told the Associated Press that this "Apache" crashed after colliding with an Iranian drone, and it is currently unclear whether this collision was intentional. Trump himself also told The Wall Street Journal that the whole thing was "no big deal" and that the "pilots are fine."
So, first, remember this: It's not a big deal. The pilot is fine. The cause is still under investigation. Maybe it's just an accident.
On Tuesday morning, the same person had a change of heart. He ran back to Truth Social and wrote: "I just received notification from our great military that last night, while Iran was patrolling over the Strait of Hormuz, they shot down one of our highly advanced Apache helicopters... The U.S. needs to respond to this attack. Thank you all for your attention to this matter!"
From "It's not a big deal" to "there needs to be a response," just one news cycle apart. This person reversed his stance in less than 24 hours, and yet we seem to be expected to nod along as if facing some kind of national governance art form.
From late Tuesday night to early Wednesday morning, U.S. Central Command launched strikes on the Iranian coastal region. The operation took place from Tuesday 22:00 GMT to nearly 01:00 on Wednesday, targeting about 20 locations, including air defense systems, ground control stations, and surveillance radar sites, covering Qeshm Island, Goruk, Bandar Abbas, Jask, Sirik, and Minab, all along the Strait of Hormuz and deep into the strait. The Pentagon's explanation was a "defensive strike," a "proportional response" to "Iran's unprovoked aggression."
According to Iranian state TV, the so-called "proportional response" resulted in strikes on two water reservoirs near Sirik, leading to the disruption of drinking water for about 20,000 people in the Bamani area. Next time you hear the phrase "surgical strike," remember this scene on the ground.
On the same night, Iran retaliated. The Iranian Revolutionary Guard claimed they launched 21 strikes on U.S. targets in the region—drones attacked the U.S. Fifth Fleet in Bahrain, the Ali Al-Salem Air Base in Kuwait, while long-range missiles targeted the Azraq airbase in Jordan; they claimed to have destroyed an F-35 hangar there. Jordan reported downing 5 missiles. Iranian Foreign Minister Araghchi used a deterrent tone Trump thought he possessed, saying, "If you want security, leave our region." Iranian Parliament Speaker Ghalibaf stated, "We prefer to use the language of diplomacy, but we are more fluent in other languages."
Wednesday morning. And then—right here—the real turning point emerged. Trump returned to Truth Social, the "Chief Deal Maker" completely unmasked:
"The Iranian military is in total disarray. Most of their forces, such as the navy and air force, no longer even exist—they have been completely defeated. Iran talks but doesn't act. The Middle East bully is dead!!! They spent too much time negotiating an agreement that was already heavily in their favor, now they must pay the price!!!"
“They took too long to negotiate.”
Too long. The very same person who yesterday morning claimed the agreement had reached the “final stages,” possibly to be signed within “two to three days.” Also the person who, after leaving the NBA Finals on Monday night, stated that both parties were in the “very, very good agreement” final stage, and that as soon as the agreement was signed, the Strait of Hormuz would be reopened “immediately.”
“Two to Three Days” Industrial Complex
There’s something I want you to really think about. Throughout the entire war, Trump has been telling us: the agreement is almost here. By Sunday, this war has lasted over 100 days. By my count—yes, I kept track of every single one because someone had to—since the conflict erupted at the end of February, Trump has promised a forthcoming, shiny, and close agreement over thirty times.
Here are a few receipts pulled from the “receipt drawer”:
March 23: Announced both sides had engaging in “very good and productive talks,” and delayed the previously threatened power plant strike for five days. Iran’s response? They outright denied any talks took place. Oil prices first dropped, then rebounded in Tehran after he was debunked.
Late March: Threatened to “destroy” Iran’s power plants within 48 hours if Iran did not open the strait. They did not open. He did not act.
April: Announced a “10-day pause in the energy facility destruction.” A ceasefire was declared. Then talks were held in Pakistan, mainly mediated by Islamabad, ending fruitlessly.
This week: “Final stage.” “Two to three days.” “Immediate upon signing.”
Wednesday: “They took too long. There must be consequences.”
This is not negotiation. This is a slot machine that only spits out media exposure rates. Every time the lever is pulled, the screen shows the same three cherries: the agreement is almost there, the other side is very weak, trust me.
And every time, JD Vance is there to endorse him—on Sunday, he told CBS that the government was “very close” to reaching an agreement. Very close. Perhaps the two most abused words in this government, only barely losing to “perfect call.”
Let’s Take Off the Mask
The so-called "Trust me, buddy" is actually hiding these things.
If you really are in control of the negotiation, you don't need to blow up a reservoir to prove that you are winning. If you really are in control of the negotiation, the other party wouldn't launch 21 missiles at your three bases in the same night. If you really are in control of the negotiation, your diplomatic stance wouldn't shift from a "very, very good deal" to "the bully of the Middle East is dead" within 18 hours like an emotional mood ring—and the only apparent basis for this change seems to be his mood towards cable news coverage.
The much-touted blockade he has been boasting about—described in his own words as the "most successful blockade in naval history"—has not stopped Iran from carrying out attacks across the region, has not reopened the Strait of Hormuz, and has not led to any agreements. A shop owner in Tehran even told CBS this week that his store shelves are still full. But of course, this can still be called "the most successful in history." He even actually wrote a "praise be to God"—I have many questions about that, but that is a topic for another article.
The real reveal is this: the strait is still closed. The only specific goal that this war was supposed to truly be about—reopening the passage through which one-fifth of the global oil supply flows—remains unfulfilled over 100 days later. There have been dozens of supposed "imminent" agreements, a naval blockade, and now another round of strikes. Oil prices have risen by nearly 2%. Markets are down. And the man at the center of it all is still posting in all caps, claiming that a "bully" is dead.
This is not a bargaining chip. This is a person who has been careening off course since around March, yet has spent three months insisting that he meant to drift the car into the guardrail.
Bottom Line
Two pilots are safe and sound, which is, of course, a good thing and the only clean outcome of the whole affair. But tonight, 20,000 people in southern Iran are without drinking water, three U.S. allies have been hit by missiles, a Jordanian F-35 hangar might now be a smoking ruin, and the person responsible for this is handling it like a pre-match professional wrestling promo.
Every "two to three days" is either a lie or a delusion. And by now, the distinction between the two is immaterial. You can't say on Tuesday that the agreement is in the "final stages," then on Wednesday say "they are taking too long," and still expect anyone with a functioning memory to continue to believe your assessment of Thursday's situation.
So, the next time you hear "we are very close," whether it's Trump saying it, Vance saying it, or any one of them saying it, please do the only sane thing.
Count it down. Write it down. And then default the fact is just the opposite.
Because "buddy, believe me" ceased to be foreign policy back around the twelfth commitment, and now we are well over thirty.
And this, obviously, is worth remembering.
Welcome to join the official BlockBeats community:
Telegram Subscription Group: https://t.me/theblockbeats
Telegram Discussion Group: https://t.me/BlockBeats_App
Official Twitter Account: https://twitter.com/BlockBeatsAsia
